I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
