id be glad to
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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