ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
