I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
