I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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