dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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