Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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