Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sarcasm needs its own font
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize