I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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