Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
