Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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