You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
