just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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