Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
