I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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