So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize