i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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