i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize