We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
