awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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