If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
