I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
