I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
