She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Boobs speak an international language.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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