When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
