so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
