i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize