Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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