how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
