I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
