I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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