If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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