bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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