im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
