....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
