Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
