We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i will never coherently bang her
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
