I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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