I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
