cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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