There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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