Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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