You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
