make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're too hungover to prance.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
