Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
