You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
