the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
