The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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