I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
