took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
