i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
