I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
