why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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