glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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