So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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