This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
