Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
