Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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