When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
