Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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