i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
