I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
