it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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