dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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