nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
