I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i will never coherently bang her
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
