wanna go halves on a baby?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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