Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize