life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
honey bunches of taint.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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