If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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