I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
