Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
