no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize