considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
