I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
