well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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