I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
