I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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