Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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