My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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You. Win. At. Life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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