hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
