I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
