Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
