"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
