I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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