you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
