We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
