the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
