We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize