He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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