She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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