He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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