According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
