as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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