Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize