I heard we made out
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
