Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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