I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
