Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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