If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
