You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
