Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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